After all

It took me another whole week to gather enough courage to call the horse riding place, but I did it and on the next day I was on the back of my horse for the first time in 5 years. On the way there I must say I was feeling anxious, since I broke my elbow 8 years ago (very badly broken, they had to remove the head of one of the bones and it took month for me to move normally again, and years not to be frequently in pain. It still hurts sometimes.) I am a bit more aware of the risks if you fall. I rarely fell before then so there are no reasons for me to fall now, especially with my horse. I know her by heart, but I precisely know as well that she can just lose it! But I forgot that she got older, she is not a 5 year old baby anymore and she is a lot calmer. After a few minutes I was perfectly comfortable and beyond happy. I smiled throughout the hour, I couldn't help it. She hasn't changed a bit and it felt good, maybe that's what I was the most worried about, that I wouldn't be able to ride my own horse. I even ended the lesson by jumping which is something I hadn't done in 7 years. I didn't jump high but I did it, I felt confident enough to try. I wanted to go again before leaving but I could barely move for the next couple days - I am so desperately unfit - and now I'm pretty sick. Yesterday was spent doing literally nothing and I still felt exhausted. My body is so achy, I really hope it's not the flu!

Saddle up

This was the random activity of the day. I've been tidying and sorting out what used to be my bedroom when I was living at home for the last few days. I got rid of so much, it feels good. It is still my bedroom and I still feel at home but I like the idea that I don't really have stuff in here. I don't really know how to explain, or why it is so, but I think I like having all my possessions in one place, to know what I own and to try not to own too much (I am still working on that, especially when it comes to clothes and shoes. And books). I always loved the fact that Marilyn Monroe use to have a empty flat with a suitcase and a phone, one arm chair, always ready to go. Like Truman Capote's character in Breakfast at Tiffany's who was based on Marilyn. I know that for her it wasn't a happy thing, that she was depressed and lost and never felt at home, for me it's freedom. When I was younger if you had asked me what was my definition of freedom it would have been to just be able to go somewhere, anywhere, whenever you want to. One of my biggest fantasy is to turn up to a train station or airport and go somewhere, just like that, unplanned, just go. Maybe it's because I've always lived from flat to flat and never in my own, always ready to move after, 6 months or a years. Always ready to change country. I am still like that. If I was offered to move to another country tomorrow, I would do it. But now I also want my house, our home, to properly start our lives together, I want furniture and a telephone. I don't want to live out of a suitcase in some else's house anymore. Really a trailer would seem to be the answer to all my problems. I'm joking here, I can't help but think of Trailer Park Boys. 

All that to say that while tidying I noticed my saddle needed to be greased. I hadn't done it in years. I use to love doing it, I love leather and I love saddles as an object, I still do. It made me miss my horse terribly. She is not mine anymore and it hurts. I can't described the bond between a horse and its rider. I haven't been to see her yet though she is still where she use to be but I can't get round to do it. Last time I went I just cried. I keep saying I miss riding horses - which I do - and that if I could I would do it again. I've never been more able to do it in years, I live in the country side, I know a place I could go, 20 minutes away from the house. Still I haven't been there once. I could go and ride here too. But I'm scared. I'm not as good as I use to be, but I know what I'm doing. I'm scared of riding Kelte because my heart is already broken she is not mine anymore, I'm scared to ride another horse because they are not Kelte and it's just not the same.

I wasn't expecting to write that much at all. I hadn't realised how much I miss her and all this part of my life.

Happy Halloween

Hurrah for the new computer, I am back. I had given up uploading pictures, then just opening a website and simply turn my old computer on. That's how bad it had gotten, but I have a new baby! The previous one lasted 7 years so I'm hoping this one will do as good. I am amazed by how quick it is, so I'm hoping it'll be a good motivation to get back into blogging and my Etsy shop and not just muck about for hours. Trying to install Photoshop unsuccessfully for 3 days in a row for several hours each day doesn't count as mucking about. But it didn't get me far either. I still have pictures from August I've been wanting to put out there but I wanted to correct the exposure beforehand. I was waiting on the new computer, but now I don't know if I should just upload them raw or keep them for myself. Decisions decisions.

We are back to my hometown for a couple weeks, I must say that I am enjoying the city life again. New trousers and dress within a few hours of our arrival... H&M made me an offer I couldn't refuse. My excuse was that I've been looking for tartan trousers for over a year and that green dress looked almost like a COS dress for a fifth of the price. If I can get over my crippling shyness in front of a camera, they'll probably make an appearance here.

Other than trousers and dress, we got two cute chestnut squashes. I wanted to make muffins like last year, but we couldn't find proper pumpkins. They were a bit more savoury and give the muffins more of a nutty taste, whereas the pumpkins is a lot sweeter. My mum and Tom love them, I am less convinced, I preferred the pumpkin ones. It's really a matter of taste. Chestnut squash has more flavour as well, which is a plus, it makes me want to experiment more with it and try to make it taste sweeter but still nutty. I'll let you know if I come up with the perfect recipe. Meanwhile the recipe for the muffins is here. Oh and now thanks to my sister I want a proper baking robot, it's brilliant!

7 days 7 pictures - Nantes Edition

It is not Sunday and there are more than seven pictures and I missed a week. This place is a mess! We came home last night and Aurélie arrives tomorrow but I promise that things will be back to normal soon!

1. Always makes me wish I was sitting by the Mississippi drinking one at the Café du Monde in New Orleans.

2. Big Baba au rhum.

3. Three Emperors who travelled all the way from China with us many years ago. It wasn't easy.

4. Head.

5. To toes.

6. The sweetest, nicest cat in the world. Very old and fat by now.

7. Curiosity cabinet.

8. Mini Baba au rhum.

9. Cooked Baba au rhum. We ate a lot of Baba au rhum.

10. Traditional Moroccan couscous made from scratch by my mum. The best dish ever.

11. Pretty bouquets. Now on my nightstand.

12. Talansac market in Nantes.

13. Back from the market.

14. Skull like plant.

Ile de Versailles

If you ever go to Nantes, go to the Ile de Versailles and its Japanese garden. It's not very big, you can go round in 10 minutes, but it is lovely and relaxing. It was a surprised for me to discover this place, I had never been before, but on a sunny day it's definitely worth it.

One more wedding celebration

When we were in Nantes, my mum organised a celebration for our wedding with people who couldn't come last summer. There was a lot of food, a lot of champagne and wine, a lot of cheese and the most amazing cake and red velvet cupcakes (my favourite) all made by my sister.

Thanks to people and their generous gifts, we are off to Paris next week for my birthday. I absolutely can't wait!