Changes

2013 is going to be a year of changes. We are finally making things happening for us. We have projects, some are small, one is big. 

I am painting vegetables and fruits to make a calendar of sowing and harvesting. We bought a new guitar and we have a rehearsal room booked in for Saturday. We are leaving our flat and North London in 5 weeks to go live in West London to save money. We are saving money to give up everything here and move to France. We finally figured out how to do things or we finally gathered the guts to just do it.

We are going to live in Brittany where we got married and try a completely different way of life. For now we don't know how things are going to work out but we actually would like to farm. If you don't know us, or maybe precisely of you know us, it might come as a surprise but we've been playing with the idea for too long not to try it out. We dream of a healthier life, even more mentally than physically. I mean we would obviously be healthier, eating better, walking, being outside, near the sea and all that. But what I really need is no commuting on the packed dirty tube, no rush hour in the City and no job I simply hate where I am at the same time extremely bored and get abuse from people (I do the reception and admin for a medical clinic). The fact that we hate our jobs was the main reason we came up with this idea. We looked for other jobs, one we would actually like but we obviously didn't find anything. We can't afford a descent flat for the two of us even though we have descent wages, I am not moving outside of London - even further outside - to commute for three hours each day to do a job I hate. It is not worth it. Anyway, you get the point, life in London right now is not happy and we needed a change.

Obviously there are things I am going to miss here. I am going to miss my friends, very much, I am going to miss dressing up fancy to go out, I am going to miss mixed berries mojito in Camden Town, I might miss going shopping. But I am going to love to see trees, and fields and a river flowing when I open my window, I am going to love seeing the stars, I am going to love to sit in the dark to watch bats flying and the fox sitting in the grass, I am going to love being able to take the car and be by the sea and breath, I am going to love trying to have a vegetable garden, I am going to love raising chickens and have fresh eggs, I am going to love lighting the fire and sit next to it. I am going to love feeling free.

All the pictures were taken with the Praktica

About writing

The pictures are a few of those I took with the Praktica camera I had for Christmas. I love the style and the colours, it managed to come out quite nice on dull days and I managed to take descent pictures inside in low light, something I absolutely can't do with my Diana lomography. I played a bit with the shutter's speed to get a descent light reading and not get under-exposed pictures. The trick is to stop breathing when you take the pictures to be as steady as possible.

But all that is not what has been on my mind today. I am frustrating with my writing on this blog, I feel like I can't find my voice, my style. I have it in my head when my thoughts ramble but as soon as I open a blank post, my mind goes blank as well. I read a lot of different blogs from very different people, and they inspired me to write one, I love to read them because they have something special, a way to write, a way to tell stories, and sometimes I feel like I am lacking all of that. And it is frustrating, I thought about stopping and then I get views and comments and it feels great, it makes me want to carry on, something not to be given up like all the rest. 

I wanted a space to write and share things and I also thought that it would push me to do more to have something to talk about and if it's interesting to anyone else then it makes it even better. But I think I've been holding myself back with the writing, sometimes because of laziness, or still being slightly judgemental of blogs and not wanting it to become an uninteresting self-centred diary, or fear of being judged but that would imply that anyone reads me anyway! But I also realised that I wasn't inspired to write because my life is not inspiring me at the moment. It is not a fulfilling life. And over Christmas, we talked about it with Tom and we agreed, it's time for a change, but not talk about it saying one day, we have a date, a goal and we are working towards it. I am not ready to say too much as we haven't told our friends and all of our family but that shouldn't be long. 2013 is going to be a year of changes, good, needed changes. Since then I feel motivated, I've started painting, reading more and hopefully writing more.