Duality

I feel a duality between the two lives I want. Opposites attract me. I fantasise about a life in a big city like London or Paris, wearing fancy vintage, stylish clothing, drinking champagne in 1940's glasses - in this case it was berry cider...- going out, having culture and events close to me. But the reality of things is quite different. We are living in London, in a damp moulding expensive dark flat, I work 5 days a week and barely have time to wear my own non office clothes, going out means waiting for the night bus in the freezing cold and spending almost as much time in public transports than out and I can't afford to go to all the exhibits I want to see and so on. I know that it is most people's life, but it is not for us. So this is it, we are trying out the opposite, countryside. Life in a big house in the middle of nowhere, you have to drive to do anything, you can't leave the house walking. I'm dreaming of a vegetable garden and chickens to start with. And also to learn to farm, especially with goats. I want to start riding horses again and take long walks. I want to lay down in the grass and feel the sun. 

We have a few months left in London and since we decided to go something sort of happened to me. I have no doubts about our choice and I can't wait to do it - specially when I am at work - but I also feel like I have to make the most out of it while we are still in the city. So lately life for me has been drinking out of my vintage glasses, doing my nails while I don't need to be knees and hands in the vegetable garden, booking  a rehearsal studio every week and really work on music (I am no drummer!), buying books I saw in shop windows just because I like the cover and burlesque, all those feathers and shinny corsets (I haven't read it yet so I don't know what it's worth) but also planning our chicken coop and vegetable garden. I have been buying art books that I hope to receive shortly, a lot of clothes, a ridiculously high pair of heels, I'm wearing all the things I usually don't wear in my wardrobe and get out a bit of my comfort zone (like wearing heels to go shopping in London). I know I can still dress up, do my nails, and find books once we are in Brittany but it feels different. I think I am worried I am going to miss all that but we have already weekends in Paris planned and when I think about it, what we love the most is drinking cider together while we listen to our records.

But meanwhile I feel more impulsive and I am enjoying what the city has to offer.